Dubai on Oprah upsets women

Oprah invited Dubai based Emirati woman Lamees Hamdan on her show (see video here) where the latter told Oprah that Dubai is one of the happiest places to live.

Apparently not everyone is happy with Lamees Hamdan for appearing rich and hijabless.

Xanith: the third affordable gender

Xanith (or Khanith) is an Arabic word for transsexual men.  The only detailed anthropological study was done on the xanith of Sohar (in Oman) in 1997 by Unni Wikan. However, xanith existed in every part of Arabia (the present GCC countries) and had similar social roles to that of the xanith of Sohar.

Xanith means “impotent, effeminate, and soft” because this is how most Arab people perceive the xanith. They think that the xanith are neither men nor women. However, the xanith are born as boys, have male genitalia and are definitely raised as boys. More interestingly, the xanith, under the laws of the various Arab countries have all the rights reserved for men. For example, Wikan explains that like men, one xanith’s testimony equals that of the testimony of two women.

The xanith do not dress like women because by law they are prohibited to do so – they are not transvestites which is a punishable act.  But they don’t exactly dress like men either. The xanith wear men’s robes, the kandooras, in pastel shades and in Oman tightly tie a belt around the waist to accentuate their curves (or the lack of thereof!).

However, the xanith behave just like women and are not seen as men because women do not veil in their presence. The xanith do housework and pride in their meticulous nature. They are excellent cooks, tailors and home decorators. They also look after their appearance and ensure they have fair, polished skin, and well-oiled and groomed hair.

They also wear heavy perfume to attract male attention because every xanith is a male prostitute who offers his services exclusively to men. Thus, a xanith is a homosexual prostitute. Wikan explains that in Arab countries (specifically in Sohar) the definition of a man is based on his sexual potency and sexuality. The man is the active member in intercourse who penetrates and by that definition the xanith is not a man because he is always the passive one who receives and is never the one who penetrates.

In another chapter Wikan explains that the groom is always a man and the bride is always a virgin. By that definition a man is not a man if he is impotent and a woman is not an honourable bride if she is not a virgin. Even today in some parts of the Arab world a groom has to prove to the society that he is a man and his wife was a virgin by exhibiting a blood stained handkerchief the morning after the wedding.

But every xanith is also interestingly not a xanith forever because if he so chooses he may abandon his prostitution services, go off to a distant land and bring home a bride who knows nothing about his past. If he is then successful in engaging in intercourse with his wife and penetrating her, he automatically becomes a man. He will never be subjected to scorn and no one will discuss his past because in the Omani society especially, people are seen as imperfect and societies are imperfect and a xanith, being a mere human being, will have done what any other imperfect human being would have done.

As a xanith he may have sang and danced with the women and may have sat close to the women or may have even eaten with them (eating is seen as a very intimate act by the Omanis and men will not have complete meals with women who are not directly related to them). But when a xanith becomes a man, he is no more available to women for social company; they must veil in his presence because he now becomes a non-mahram.

Arab people believe that men have ’biological urges’ which have to be met. They use this thinking to lay down many laws one of which is that whenever a man is overcome by an urge he must be satisfied immediately. Wikan explains that in the event that a young man is unmarried and is ‘overcome by an urge’ he has no other way left for him than to accept the services of a xanith who is more readily available than a female prostitute and whose price is more economical as well. A woman is pure and therefore cannot be accepted by the society as a prostitute whereas a xanith is not pure and hence is tolerated.

Today xanith are not as common as they once were in some parts of the Arab Gulf countries.  This has much to do with the oil boom, globalization and consequent development – even if they exist they will not dress or behave like they did in the past, and now female prostitutes are readily available which has made the xanith somewhat less popular. It also has to do with the sudden surge in various stricter sects of Islam that believe in punishing a homosexual person and the punishment for a homosexual prostitute would be unimaginable.

Bride of all buses

These are two photos of a typical Pakistani bus. The first time I saw one I hopped on it immediately – had to experience traveling in one. Bad decision!

I don’t think you’ll find these things anywhere else in the world. So cute!

The lost story

Once upon a time, there was a planet on the farthest end of the galaxy. This planet was strange in the strangest of ways. Such is written in the books today.

There lived on the planet women and men. Each woman had an equal of four men to herself. Such was the planet. The women’s brains had powerful right hemispheres that were holistic and iconic. With that power they realized they could control everything and anything on their planet – even their counterparts who belonged to the same species and were physically larger and stronger when fully grown, but their brains’ predominantly masculine left hemispheres were linear and abstract which rendered them very low in emotional intelligence and almost always single-tasking.

The women were queens and stateswomen, the rulers and matriarchs. They were emotionally intelligent, multi-tasking, brave, charming and possessed phenomenal heights of pain threshold. This helped them conquer their planet and rule over all men and animals despite the one fact that they were smaller and physically less strong than their men.

Their men … the men were theirs. The men belonged to the women, physically, mentally and spiritually because the women had argued satisfactorily that every giver of life was female – the earth, clouds, water, and the one and almighty Goddess.

The men were the caretakers of their homes, for that is where they belonged. There couldn’t be any other intelligent alternative. See, the women, who had greater pain threshold and were thus internally stronger, had proven scientifically that they were indeed stronger in mind and body. The weak and unhealthy fetuses that were aborted naturally were in 90% of the cases, male. The male were internally weaker, had greater chances of being unhealthy, and died sooner.

They also could not give birth – a severe bodily handicap on their part. That honour resided solely with the women who were capable of nurturing a child in the flesh and even creating a life-sustaining organ inside their bodies. They were the Inanna.

These people had very strange values. That is what is said today. Their gender roles were based on rules of intercourse. And the ‘doer’ was never male for his prowess was neither complex nor developed. You see, while we today think that power lies with the man who is the ‘doer’ and ‘implanter’, these highly advanced beings thought otherwise. The woman had the power to ‘envelope’ and ‘devour’; she had heightened senses and complex dexterity. Above all, she was the one who carried the magnificent power to procreate. Being the host to the male seed, she was the only one who decided towards whom she wanted to be hospitable and how many times she wanted to marry.

The woman was the matriarch and her consort was always smaller, younger, and weaker than her. He was a lover who was easily dispensable and was often cast off after he had accomplished his duties of impregnation.

Every end of procreation term, she disappeared into the mountainous caves and returned some days later with the baby. The baby that she had created, developed and brought forth. It was believed that her husbands could not witness the birth because they did not even have the strength to watch the mighty act of birthing. While the women stayed in the caves to complete the birthing process, men held vigils praying to the Great Goddess to grant them daughters for obviously every parent wished for the child who could control rather than be controlled. Wishing for a boy meant wishing for life-long worry. A boy had to be infantilized, nurtured, and protected for his honour. His honour meant the family’s honour and if he dishonoured his family, he was severely punished by the matriarch of the clan.

Thus, with her sexual power, high emotional intelligence, multi-tasking capabilities, heightened pain threshold and inner physical strength she calculatingly over-powered, enveloped and devoured the man who was simple and linear. While she went out to hunt and bring home the prey, he was asked to put his outer strength to clean his home and the family’s belongings. She hunted, he cooked. She gave birth, he brought them up. She build the house, he kept it in order. She proposed, he accepted. And when she divorced him, he complied.

But then one day, the original matriarch of the planet made a serious mistake. She allowed one of her husbands to hunt for food and being naïve that he was, he hunted the sacred doe; the doe of Mother Nature. That was a grave sin in the eyes of all the matriarchs and the Great Goddess. It was a sin which could not be pardoned and as punishment he was sent to planet Earth along with a much repentant original matriarch.

On his way to Earth, he was given The Book of Code by the Great Goddess. He had never read a book before. All he knew was images which were mainly understood by the matriarchs. The written word was more abstract but still easily understood by the man. He read it and understood it, but then he interpreted it for his matriarch to be understood by her.

The first thing he interpreted as he pleased was to give himself a name. He called himself, Adam. And the rest is like we say, history.

Images taken from here.

Aha!

I have a post brewing in my head

Traditional Khaleeji hair swaying dance

Aafke’s this comment reminded me that on another blog I had promised to show you a traditional Khaleeji dance in which women sway and swish their hair from side to side.

Up till the late 80s this was a common sight on national television in the UAE but then there came more money and more awareness and the consequent feelings of superiority that their women should not be seen swishing their hair like this.

Anyway, it is an interesting dance; much better than the rifle throwing and stick swinging camel-like dance steps the men do.

Watch this clip and around 1.00 you will see pretty young girls dancing like little butterflies.

Without Make up

There is this which they want you to see

 

and then there is this which you shouldn’t see

 

 

Desperate housewives who eat felafel

When I arrived to live in the ME many years ago nothing bothered me more than people’s false perceptions about me based on my clothes. It was a rude awakening that I had to learn to answer awkward questions because I chose to dress differently than the cultural Arabs.

This wasn’t a problem in the KSA where all women had to dress in black gowns to respect the cultural sensibilities of the hosts. But in the UAE and Oman I often found out from friends that someone or the other wanted to know my ‘religion’ because I didn’t wear the clothes that would give away my religious affinity.

Now certainly Omani and Emirati women too wear Western clothes and might I add that they are often not as modest as the clothes I wear but they have their black gowns and headscarves to give them the cultural, pious and traditional Muslim look that I lacked. This is why some young wives of Muslim Western expatriates eventually don an abaya and shiela perhaps because they too are constantly questioned if they are Muslim.

Then one day an Emirati woman tried to argue that the Western expatriates in the UAE were threatening the national loyalties and traditions of the Arab people. She claimed that Muslim women who don’t wear headscarves give ideas to Emirati women that they too can go out without a headscarf and still be Muslim. Now while I believe yes, you can go out without a headscarf and still be Muslim, I also believe that the national identity and heritage of the Arab people is definitely being threatened but Western expats have a minor role to play in that.

For example, I am no body’s role model. When I do the school runs in my jeans and baggy tops or go to dinners in the long skirts and full sleeved blouses, I am not a vixen who must be emulated. The vixen who is emulated is Angelina Jolie or worse Lindsay Lohan. Rapidly growing consumerism and the immense power to buy as well as uncontrolled media are what are eroding the cultural values of the Arab people.  When I see a low-cut Dior evening gown and I have the money to buy it, I will buy it and will wear it to show off rather than my inexpensive and unflattering jalabiya.

I am quite tired of people claiming that international foreigners are disturbing the culture and heritage of the Khaleeji people. Frankly, we are not teaching them anything they don’t already know through Facebook, YouTube or from the Desperate Housewives. If anything, Khaleeji Muslims are affecting the Muslim cultures of the West where Muslim men and women are increasing wearing Arab clothes and eating felafel and babaghanoosh.

I am neither a desperate housewife nor do I like falafel.

Women, look after your health

As mothers and wives, many women sacrifice their health so that the smooth machinery of household chores is not disturbed. It becomes all the more difficult to maintain good health if the mother happens to work. But if you don’t look after your health, your children may be at a greater loss than seeing you in bed for a few days. Let me celebrate women’s health with you and remind you how important you are; women always forget that.

I will list below a few medical facts every woman should keep in mind:

• A woman must include calcium in her diet everyday. This may include drinking 4 to 5 cups of milk daily (yes, that much) or regularly eating salmon, sardine and shrimps. Pregnant and lactating mothers need calcium too but just the right amount because more calcium is harmful for the fetus. Research shows that can almost 50% of all symptoms of PMS can be reduced by consuming 1200 mg of calcium daily. Calcium is important for women of all ages for the prevention of osteoporosis in later life.

• Stopping Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is now actually reducing heart disease and fewer cases of estrogen-fueled breast cancer are being reported. If you are on HRT, you may want to read this first.

• The top 10 Cancer symptoms women need to know are:

• 1. Persistent pelvic pain
  2. Abdominal swelling/bloating
  3. Persistent lower back pain
  4. Abnormal vaginal bleeding
  5. Persistent fever
  6. Persistent stomach upset or bowel changes
  7. Sudden weight loss
  8. Vulva or vaginal abnormalities
  9. Changes in the breast
  10. Fatigue

• If you are experiencing heavy periods, pelvic pressure and pain then do get checked for uterine fibroids. You can receive more information by downloading a free publication.

• This is the flu season which can severely handicap a mother. You may want to be precautious and get a flu shot. You may also want to join a flu blog!

• Usually when a woman gets married she does everything double – she starts sleeping on a double bed; works double hard; and eats double too. Remember that our men’s diet is supposed to be more than us. They are bigger and need more calories. Food in your plates must not be in equal proportion. Yours should ideally be half and if it isn’t, you can actually weigh more than your husband if your metabolic rate is not fast.

• If you experience premenstrual breast tenderness, it can be reduced or eliminated by taking 600 IU of Vitamin E or 300 to 500 mg of magnesium daily.

• Do you experience these symptoms:

 

• • Feeling restless or irritable
  • Feeling sad, hopeless, and overwhelmed
  • Crying a lot
  • Having no energy or motivation
  • Eating too little or too much
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Trouble focusing, remembering, or making decisions
  • Feeling worthless and guilty
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities
  • Withdrawal from friends and family
  • Having headaches, chest pains, heart palpitations (the heart beating fast and feeling like it is skipping beats), or hyperventilation (fast and shallow breathing)

 

Chances are that you are suffering from postpartum depression. Postpartum depression can happen anytime within the first year after childbirth. It needs to be treated by a doctor. There is nothing abnormal about it and if you think you have ‘changed negatively since the baby came’ then it is wise to accept that you need to see a doctor.

 

• Hormonal fluctuations in a woman can affect gum tissue. Oral health is extremely important for women as research shows that at least 23 % of women (ages 30 to 54) have periodontitis. Read about women and oral health here.

While it is said that men are physically stronger than women, we all know where truth lies! Even a petite, 90 pound woman is given the strength to endure pregnancy and childbirth by the Almighty. It is scientifically proven that male fetuses are miscarried more often than female fetuses because they are weaker. But that does not mean that women’s health is not vulnerable and the fast modern life is already rapidly taking its toll on women’s health. For example, a recent study has shockingly revealed that women in India are reaching menopause as early as at the age of 30. This means that it can cause early heart disease, osteoporosis, and breast cancer.

Let’s not forget ourselves in the myriad of responsibilities we have and let’s celebrate our health which is linked to the happiness of our families!

Pricing your daughter

Mahr or Sadaq is a small dowry that a groom is supposed to give to his bride to sweeten the union in an Islamic marriage. Today, demands for a high dowry are the number one reason why many Emirati women remain unmarried. Dowry in the UAE is convoluted with tribal culture and is quite complicated.

In the UAE, dowry is typically given to the bride’s father and not the bride. Generally, the father of the bride negotiates the sum with the groom and the father of the groom. The father of the bride breaks it down based on how much he spent on raising the bride:

• Compensation for the two years the mother breastfed the bride
• Stipend for the brothers of the bride who looked after her honour and ensured that the groom gets a virgin wife
• Money spent on the girl’s education, medical expenses incurred to treat minor childhood health problems and even meals she had at the father’s house
• Money spent on her clothes and jewelry among many other things

Adding all that together, the most common demand for a dowry ranges between 70,000 and 150, 000 UAE Dirham. A young man cannot afford that. Wedding festivities typically run into several days and weeks which are expensive as well. It would take him at least five years to make enough money to meet all the expenses (which is a good thing, I think. Why hurry to marry?).

In 1992, the late president of the UAE set up a Marriage Fund that gave up to 70,000 Dirham to a groom to help him marry an Emirati woman because 64% of Emirati men were marrying non-Emirati women since their own local women were demanding very high dowries. To qualify, a man had to be at least 21 years old and employed, earning a monthly salary of at least 16,000 Dirham (which isn’t difficult at all!). The bride must be Emirati and at least 18 years old. The focus was on getting people to marry early.

Marriage Fund has spend millions on weddings and has helped bring down the percentage of local men marrying foreign women from 64% to 25%, but the demands for high dowries have not gone down. In fact the divorce rate in the UAE is currently 46% – the highest in the Middle East and second highest in the world.

The added problem now is that more and more Emirati women are seeking high education and gaining global awareness so they are refusing their husbands to marry more than once. Men who want to practice polygamy are therefore once again seeking foreign wives from poorer countries who will not refuse polygamy and who demand very little dowry. These women bear as many children as the husband wants and don’t insist on working outside the home. Plus, they virtually never initiate divorce even if they are ill treated.

Looks like there is a lot the Marriage Fund must ‘fix.’